Brewery Home: Munster, Indiana

Serving Style: 2 glorious, wax-dipped 650ML bottles, 2009 vintage.

Beer Style: Russian Imperial Stout

Appearance: Blackness. Definitely two cups of rice (Metalocalypse reference, get with it). Viscous and truly ‘like motor oil’. Swirling it around in the glass leaves a brown layer clinging to the sides. Small, dark tan head; bubbles struggle to get to the surface, many get crushed mercilessly on the way. No lacing from the head, the blackness of the brew destroys all. Tom: “it’s blacker than the blackest black times infinity” (another Metalocalypse quote, and quite fitting really). This beer (and bottle, woah…) is incredibly metal. We are all geeking out while we thrash to Hot Cross on the stereo.

Aroma: Hold on tight, a hop hurricane is coming through. Very strong hoppy front that melts into an awesomely weird soy-sauce-milkshake-godly-vanilla tidal wave. Cannon gets sweet fruit (raisin) and brandy kicks too. Think dark fruits and dark roasts. On fire. In a deep dungeon. With Slayer turned up to 11.

Taste: Wow, that’s easily the greatest beer we’ve all suckled on so far. The collective room just had their minds blown. Many people are screaming with excitement and Hot Cross is blasting so here is a group stream of consciousness description of the dark flavor: “DELIVERS. warm wood…starts salty and ends sweet…excellent mouthfeel, smooth and almost creamy, coats the throat…it’s warming me from the inside…beer milkshake…aggressive hop front that morphs into warm (bourbon-y alcohol) roasts and finishes dark and wonderfully evil. Brian: “I wonder what tree this was fermented in.” Scott lays down the understatement of the night: “Wow. Now that’s a fucking beer.” Andy/Jim: “when you get this you get this incredibly euphoric feeling as it goes down your throat.” Some may say that this beer overly sweet, but regardless I think this is right up our collective alley.

ABV: 11.0%

Drink one or all?: One. Enjoy slowly.

Cost: $15/bottle + Golden Ticket + 36 hours of consciousness – some self-respect

Overall: 21/20.
There is a TON of hype around this one (ourselves included). We think this beer can deliver on most of it.

Brewery Hometown: Russia

Appearance: Yellow. Foamy. *everybody does a collar pull*

Aroma: Oh no…the first whiff brings back NIGHTMARES…nightmares…of Grade 9. Oh my it burns like an old war wound. What were we thinking!?!

Taste: The first trickle into your mouth deceives you with a semi-sweet pang…until (we all agree it is very a DRAMATIC CHIPMUNK transition) a sour/dry spike brutally assaults your tongue. Jim: “its like putting a dry/wet vac into your mouth and letting it suck the life out of you. I need a glass of water after every sip.” Ok ok. In reality its MUCH easier to take down than pure-grain alcohol infused Grade 9. Andy: “Regardless it’s really not good when one of the best adjectives I can think of is…plastic.” Everyone is still in disbelief just how big these fucking bottles are. You have to use two hands, the bottle isn’t strong enough to support the weight of the beer alone. To clarify further: it is bigger than a 2-liter and at 5.1% (3 bottles for $10) you are cruising for some serious body abuse. Jim: “you could probably load this into a tank and shoot it as a missile”. Andy: “I’m pretty sure that would be against the Geneva Conventions.” Jim: “I feel like I am holding a watermelon” Consensus: this is Grade 9 light. Adam: “oh god its 104 oz…its going to get warm.” This could get ugly.

Alcohol: 5.1%

Drink one or all?: Can you even finish one?!

Cost: 3/$10. Economic.

Overall: Baltika: we love you for hating us.

Brewery Hometown: Boston

Appearance: Oh baby that is red. Surprisingly dark head. We are licking our lips.

Aroma: Interesting; a maple syrup sweet almost, with darker malty overtones. Possibly a walnut-like (Chris: “planters mix nuts?!”) followup. Chris: “subtle sweetness…nothing is really catching me right now”
Nothing else ever did.

Taste: Chris and I both had a ‘WOAH not expecting that moment’. Fiercely bitter/dry. Andy: “nearly offensive, that’s mouth puckering” Chris: “its almost salty” Andy: “Chris is definitely right…salty!!! My mouth feels like it just ate a bag of pretzels” Chris: “massive dry mouth” Out of line with what we thought it was going to be initially from the aroma. Andy: “alright this is rude…sorry…I can’t support this” Chris: “definitely gets only MORE bitter as it warms” Adam: “sour, bitter aftertaste that is killing me”

Alcohol: 5.4%

Drink one or all?: One with chips. Lots of chips.

Cost: We guess $8/sixer

Overall: Andy: 8/20 Rude when warmer, Chris: 10/20 Better very cold, Adam: 11/20 Can’t drink it without food, Brian: 12/20 Liked it, but its losing me.

Brewery Hometown: St. Lake City

Appearance: Adam: “it looks like a fucking beer…from a commercial.” Thanks Adam. Clear dark yellow. Crispy. Semi-clear foaming white head.

Aroma: Chris: “a light bag of skittles sweetness…maybe blue moon (coriander)” Strong orange rind tones – go figure, its an orange infused beer.

Taste: The orange rind is the standout player with faint hints of coriander (Joe: “it is rrrrrrripe”) The orange is thankfully not a fake-syrup, but the overall character is slightly too sweet. Chris: “they aren’t kidding when they say rype.” (Clever). Jim: “tastes like a beer with orange in it…what more can I say…its a heavily fruited beer” (Even more clever). Fruity, but perhaps little boring. Andy: “very one note” Chris: “not as exciting as I was hoping to be…not as citrus-y as I was hoping for a bottle with an orange on it and an orange cap…if you’re going to do an ORANGE beer, youve got to go for it, they didn’t” Well put.

Alcohol: 4.0%

Drink one or all?: One

Cost: We guess $8/sixer

Overall: Andy: 12/20, clean but boring, Jim: 12/20 gets old fast, Adam: 13/20 doesn’t excite me, Chris: 14/20 good but not what I wanted, Joey: 13/20 ok, now I’m sick of it, Dan: 12/20 (…)

Brewery Hometown: Boston, MA

Appearance: WTF?? I thought this was supposed to be white.  This is more if the complete opposite of the name.  It actually looked like new motor oil [Ed. we need new analogies...seriously] when we poured it especially because if the thickness.  There isn’t much head which is standard for the type of beer.  The color is a dark amber and just looks thick.

Aroma: This is a sweet beer.  The coriander is very apparent and is accompanied by orange citrus scent.  It doesn’t smell like it is going to be a strong flavored beer because of the light fruity smell.

Taste: Wow this is not what we expected, the flavor is ridiculous! As the scent told us, coriander and orange are definitely a part of this brew. The coriander is the stronger of the two leaving you with a bold hit in the mouth that lingers with a sticky sweetness from that orange. The appearance also told us it was very thick, which is that sticky sweetness again. The initial taste is a sweet syrupy flavor that coats your mouth.  I’m thinking that the taste hits you like a complex beer that mellows into a sweet orange wine and disappears into a taste that makes you want more.

Alcohol: 9%

Drink one or all?: The sweetness might get to you after a while but you could easily drink 1 or 2 of these.  This is a beer that is a good with small sips; very strong in alcohol…so drinking all 4 would turn you into a sloppy milkshake.

Cost: $11/4pack

Overall: 16

Brian: 17/20 It’s a very well done and balanced beer but the syrupy stickiness makes it less appealing.  The flavor is good and if you are into Sam Adams you should give it a try.  NOTE: this is very strong in coriander.

Adam: 16/20 I like the taste of this beer but the sweetness caught me off guard and is a little overpowering after a while.  Still a good beer and worth giving a tryski.

Brewery Hometown: Grand Rapids, Michigan

Appearance: We always say oh this looks like used motor oil but once again, it has happened…. but this brew in particular looks much thicker and heavy. It has a slight  head that doesn’t last long but stays very thinly around the rim that looks like a mocha.

Aroma: Obviously an Oatmeal stout, hints of chocolate and pretty solid coffee aroma (Breakfast) Smells like a very robust beer that will give us a lot of flavor.Doesn’t smell very alcoholic, just smells like a good chocolate coffee with the oatmeal base.

Taste: I will have to claim a new favorite for oatmeal… very thick, you can taste the chocolate and coffee that blend very well together that creates a bitterness but not a harsh bitterness. the coffee after taste stays behind like a fresh pot of joe. Alcohol is subsided very well and only comes out in that bitterness blend. the oatmeal aspect comes out with the coffee after taste. it has a very Irish weight/balance and bitterness. It could very easily fool one for a good Irish beer. Once you have this beer you’ll say Guinness just isn’t all there…like this beer’s retarded son. easy drinkability and “Tastes like beer!”

Alcohol: 8.3%

Drink one or all?: I plan to drink them all… Adam: I could wake up and start drinking this, maybe even pour it on my cereal. (Not a question, this could happen…)

Cost: $13/4pack……………………………………..OUCH

Overall:

Brian: 19/20 so far this brewery has done nothing but take my questionable beer styles and opened my eyes. I LIKE.

Adam: 18/20 just a quality oatmeal stout with alot of flavor, definitely worth trying.

Kay: This is the best beer I’ve ever had! I like the coffee, chocolate and weight of the beer! (She wasn’t here for the entire review, just a random blurp)

NOTE: I wanted this beer because I was reading about this company’s Kentucky Breakfast which is suppose to be one of the top five in its beer type. This lead me in the right direction I feel…

Brewery Hometown: Mechelen, Belgium

Appearance: This came in a 750ml which is so romantic its not even funny (note:  there’s only three of us). Adam: “I didn’t know it would be SUPER heady.” (He’s pouring all of ours into wine bottles) it seriously is super head though… (once again, sexual innuendo’s are excepted) no fucking joke, the head grows instead of settling?!?! IT LOOKS LIKE AN ICE CREAM CONE! On the color side its an unfiltered Belgium ale, what else do you want? Jason: “Its like fucking snow on my beer.”

Aroma: A lot of spices. Adam: “smells like a Belgian beer. I don’t fucking know it just smells like the rest of them.”  (Adam’s tonguing his glass right about now.) Citrus with a lot of spices that are less sweet. Smell is very similar to Hoegaarden so the coriander is very obvious in the mix.

Taste: Light and fluffy but still strong flavor. Aftertaste is a sweet citrus that almost melts off your tongue. It’s extremely smooth and for the alcohol % the flavor holds it well. A fruity undertone is blended in well (nothing like that berryweise bull shit that tastes like someone spiked your miller lite with kool-aid) the coriander is apparent as a transition to the a slight bite from the high carbonation at the end. If you leave it sitting in your mouth long enough it bubbles up and kind of hurts…Adam is finding this tickle and kind of fun. I think that makes him a dirty kinky whore.

Alcohol: 9.0%

Drink one or all?: If you can stop yourself from drinking it all, DON’T.

Cost: $9, 750ml (It also comes in individual bottles 12oz.)

Overall:

Brian: 19/20 I could get into trouble with this beer…

Adam: 19/20 An excellent beer thats very complex (going to need another session to figure it all out) but very well put together and you should try it.

Jason: 19/20 Really enjoying the difference in taste and what it smells like. smells appears harsh but it comes off very smooth. Really impressed.

Brewery Hometown: Grand Rapids, Michigan

Appearance: Light beer that looks like one you would see on a beer advertisement. Much like the iBeer. Considering how light the beer is, it has an uncharacteristically thick head that doesn’t seem to be going away. The bubbles look like that of champagne. Surprisingly it is lacing all the way down our very tall glasses and the head stays prevalent (any and all sexual innuendo’s are intended).

Aroma: CITRUS, with sweet undertones of honey and/or berries? Either way it smells delicious. The citrus smells like orange or possibly a clementine. (After tasting it and going back to the scent the grapefruit is popping out.)

Taste: Very hoppy which is to be expected from an IPA. After the initial hops burst it develops into that honey orange. Once that dissipates the hops consume the back of your throat. This would be a very good hookah beer with all the flavors and complexity in development. Bitter aftertaste reminds us of grapefruit.

Alcohol: 9.4%

Drink one or all?: You could easily drink all four.

Cost: $12/4 pack

Overall:

Brian: 18/20 SURPRISING. I usually hate IPA’s but this has officially turned me around (Along the three kings beer) I’ll give them another try…

Adam: 18/20 A delicious IPA that’s overall delicious; doesn’t have a bad aftertaste that’s just over all over delicious. (Yes Adam did say delicious that many times…)

Jason: 18/20 Really really enjoyed the citrus aroma, flavor and overall smoothness. The bitter was good!

Overall: 18/20 This would be great sitting out in summer and anytime you want a smooth, sweet beer with a bitter aftertaste (it also deserved to become a favorite for IPA’s)

Brewery Hometown: Mendocino, California

Appearance: Kev: Is this guy fucking hunting whales?! (Looking at the box) It is an elixir, does that mean I get health and Mana back?! Ok so despite Kevin’s nerd out, it’s a dark dark porter with a good head. Dan C: “look at this head! it holds its shape!” (He poured his pretty shitty…) Holding it to the light, NOTHING is getting throught it. Everyone’s pretty amazed by the “Good head”, it just lasts sooooooo long (fitting because this beer came from a liquor store next to a hair cut place simply named “Best Head”).

Aroma: “I think if it smells like anything, it smells like… something…” Thanks Kev…but its got a sweet malty scent that I think has a subtle burboun smell (we can’t decide which hard liquor it ultimately smells like though). Dan C. is convinced that it smells like a car bomb (he convinced adam too). Actually they can’t decide who convinced who and now they’re in a fight.

[Click on the bottle to closely view Rasputin]

Taste: Dan C. says that the picture of crazy old rasputin on the bottle depicts the taste perfectly. Apparently that is all he has to say about rasputin and this beer, so for people who don’t know – he was poisoned, shot, then attacked his assassins, then bound and tossed into a frozen river… “and who says we can’t be interlectrical people?!” (KFAZ as usual). It has a malty lingering flavor and at 9% the alcohol is hidden very well. Kind of smokey aftertaste. Little  bitterness to it, just a lingering stout flavor at the end. Apparently no one wants to keep drinking this beer at the point of reviewing it because it just doesn’t make sense to us…

Alcohol: 9%

Drink one or all?: Keep it at 1 kids

Cost: $9, 4pack

Overall:

Brian:  12/20 If I knew what I was tasting other than Lake Erie I might like it better

Dan C: 11/20 After 15 minutes the glass is still half full. (Clearly an optimist, what a bitch)

Adam: 13/20 He thinks it’s better than the last beer, but just doesn’t care about this one…

Kev: ??? Kev’s to busy swirling it around to give us a number… it’s better than the last one and I gave it a 14 and that just seems wrong now… he has too much respect for Rasputin to rate him badly. He would drink it while killing zombies!

I’d rather drink this beer than die!

I’d rather drink this beer than be Rasputin!

Cock beer. Whats that cock? Beer?

Brewery Hometown: Cleveland, Co

Appearance: A healthy brown head on top of a very very dark brown. No matter which glass we have it in its pretty much impossible to see through, but you can tell on the sides that it is a brown color. 

Aroma: Dan’s finding the light chocolate scent to be very inviting. Adam: “Chocolatey with some coffee stuff…”  its a sweet beer, but not over whelming for how dark it is. We expected it to smell as dark as it looks but its actually light and inviting.

Taste: Sooooo smooth (the carbonation is very present in looks but it seems like the thickness of the beer is making it go down real easy like.). More complex and flavorful than the smell leads you to believe. Adam is not a fan of the bitter coffee after taste. “Its kinda like someone injected your beer with coffee.” The chocolate scent is less apparent in the flavor, kind of makes it bitter sweet. Kevin believes that it should be a Christmas ale. I think it tastes like a coffee’s drinkers breath. Pretty much no hoppy kick to it, but still a bitter aftertaste. A robust porter. Adam’s decided that he does not like porters…but Dan does! (He also can’t read the screen and keeps insisting to add Bitter Sweet Coffee!!!) As it warms up it gets a earthy, smokey, woody taste to it. This would go great with food; a steak would really help the situation of this beer.

Alcohol: 5.8%

Drink one or all?: Kev and Adam: 1, Me and Dan: 1-2 (Its good, its just a session beer that you want to chill with and relax than move on.)

Cost: $9 6pack

Overall:

Brian:  16/20 Right place and time and this is pretty good shit. Give it a try if you want a nice warm feeling.

Dan  C.: 14/20 its a 1 beer queer… I’m looking for more of a man.

Adam: 13/20 Not a bad beer, i like the initial taste, its just the after taste killed it for me. Just couldn’t get into it.

Kev: 14/20 in the end its kind of plain, after a whole beer’s worth its just kind of smokey.

Group consensus: Its very drinkable and not bad for something new, just don’t go out of your way to find it. Its just got its own time and place.

Dan C: It does not make you fucking burp…I just want some IBS…