Baltika is NOT fucking around. They have seriously stepped up their game. This bottle weighs in at 104.5 fluid ounces of evil, from the happy-go-lucky gang that brought us the hellspawn Grade 9. God or whoever…please have mercy on us; it takes the plastic bottle and taste shitstorm of Grade 9 – plastic screw on cap included! – and supersizes it.

Brewery Hometown: Russia

Appearance: Yellow. Foamy. *everybody does a collar pull*

Aroma: Oh no…the first whiff brings back NIGHTMARES…nightmares…of Grade 9. Oh my it burns like an old war wound. What were we thinking!?!

Taste: The first trickle into your mouth deceives you with a semi-sweet pang…until (we all agree it is very a DRAMATIC CHIPMUNK transition) a sour/dry spike brutally assaults your tongue. Jim: “its like putting a dry/wet vac into your mouth and letting it suck the life out of you. I need a glass of water after every sip.” Ok ok. In reality its MUCH easier to take down than pure-grain alcohol infused Grade 9. Andy: “Regardless it’s really not good when one of the best adjectives I can think of is…plastic.” Everyone is still in disbelief just how big these fucking bottles are. You have to use two hands, the bottle isn’t strong enough to support the weight of the beer alone. To clarify further: it is bigger than a 2-liter and at 5.1% (3 bottles for $10) you are cruising for some serious body abuse. Jim: “you could probably load this into a tank and shoot it as a missile”. Andy: “I’m pretty sure that would be against the Geneva Conventions.” Jim: “I feel like I am holding a watermelon” Consensus: this is Grade 9 light. Adam: “oh god its 104 oz…its going to get warm.” This could get ugly.

Alcohol: 5.1%

Drink one or all?: Can you even finish one?!

Cost: 3/$10. Economic.

Overall: Baltika: we love you for hating us.